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With Help, Climbing Back From Schizophrenia's Isolation - By ERICA GOODE
First published in the New York Times, January 30, 1999. Used with permission.
November/December 1997:
One Patient's Journey to Mental Wellness
By KEN STEELE, publisher
"My ability to claw myself through the paranoia, delusional thinking, and the frightening, warning voices within my mind, to reach out and tell my doctor the truth was totally new ... By telling the truth, I had given voice only to the overture of even greater things to come."Through the Eyes of a Stranger (Part 1)
By MICHAEL G. SPENNATO
"After years of private therapy, counseling and medication treatments, I was no further along toward recovery than when I started my downward spiral. In 1995, after five hospitalizations, a broken marriage, loss of income, an arrest and a failed suicide attempt, I finally found my spiritual self and began a road to recovery."
January/February 1998:
A Nation Afflicted Like All Other Nations
By HOWARD KWASS
"At a clinic in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, which I went to in the early nineties, I got into a curious mood. I asked if there were any other Orthodox patients. 'Yes,' the receptionist responded nonchalantly, 'but they go through the special door. They're afraid of being noticed.'"Through the Eyes of a Stranger (Part 2)
By MICHAEL G. SPENNATO
"In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, 'No one can insult you without your permission.' Stigma is, in the final analysis (so to speak) most often self-imposed. ...We need to give ourselves a chance to grow and develop into the meaningful person we were meant to be. ... Think of ourselves. Believe in a God. Speak and cry out, 'I am Human.'"
May/June/July 1998:
Recovery By Design
By GERRI ALBERT
"The downward swing of my mood was paralyzing. I was unable to have a clear thought. I spent every day reading the same newspaper over and over again. My mother, always in denial, did little to help, and was probably battling her own demons."Beyond Soho
By RACHEL LINN
"At Traveler's Hotel, there were three overcooked meals a day, including a weekly special of Oxtails. ... There were two bathrooms on each floor, virtually no water pressure, hot water on most occasions, one pay phone for 40 people, and an overabundance of rules, vermin, and attitude."
August/September 1998:
"Four Stories" Produces Hundreds More
By KEN STEELE, Publisher
"While she was at work or away from home she had to lock him in his bedroom to keep him safe ... because she had seen the horrible state hospital movies on television (specifically naming 'Asylum,' 'Snake Pit,' and 'Cuckoo's Nest') and she would never allow her son to be put in places like these."
October 1998:
Confusion to Clarity
By GERARD H. ROCKWELL
"... my sister took me to a local psychiatric hospital. Well, the doctor who interviewed me asked if I had been taking my medications. That was it. It hit me like a brick. All of a sudden, I accepted the fact that mental illness existed…and, moreover, that I had it."Legal Actions
By MIRRIAM KRAVITZ, ESQ
"Some of you may not know that the consumer movement began as the Mental Patients' Liberation Front, and early leaders like Howie the Harp modeled their actions after the black civil rights movement, and somewhat later, the women's liberation movement."
November/December 1998:
First Break: Where Do I Go From Here?
By DANIEL S.FREY
"My plans fell apart late in my third year of college when I started hearing voices ... Part of the experience was wonderful and spiritual, but part of it caused me to suffer through feelings of great fear and rage."Conquering Depression
By ADRIENNE WILLIAMS
"When I mention to other consumers that I go for shock treatments, also known as electro-convulsive therapy (ECT), the reaction I get is usually negative. They say things like: 'Oh you're going to fry your brain,'"Strong Memories of My Own
By EDWARD MITCHELL
"I did not want to even see myself as mentally ill despite the fact that I have been hospitalized three times and am living on SSI and have been taking medication since the fall of 1991 ... I thought that if I acted 'healthy' and 'normal' I wouldn't be 'mentally ill.'"
January/February 1999:
Into the World of Work
By DAVID C. KAPLAN
"When I began overcoming my stress, I recognized that dealing with challenges successfully gave me a feeling of self confidence"From Patient to Advocate
By FRED BAUER
"I became involved with a variety of consumer organizations throughout New York State. This allowed me to see that recovery is possible, even for someone with a diagnosis such as mine."
March/April 1999:
Living With Depressive Illness - Part 1
By RONNIE SOLOMON
"You just have to take your meds, collect your bag of tricks, and take enough distance from a depressive episode to remember to use them. Here is a list of some of the tricks that have helped me to cope, and more, to live a productive and sometimes peaceful and satisfying life."My Path to Recovery
By MIKE MILLIGAN
"My parents sent me to a psychiatrist .... I set the same psychiatrist on my dysfunctional parents to try and figure them out."
May/June 1999
Living With Depressive Illness - Part 2
By RONNIE SOLOMON
"I have DI along with acid reflux disease, slight arthritis, and the occasional flu, all of which are unpleasant, sometimes awful, but can be lived with. It's a matter of putting things into perspective."First Break: An Update
By DANIEL FREY, Managing Editor
"it is difficult for me to live with schizophrenia even now. Though I've come a long way since my hospitalizations, .. I don't want to tell people I have schizophrenia ... I fear the shame I might bring upon myself for having this illness"Celebration of Wellness
By LYNN RANDAZZO
"I was totally disoriented, delusional to a degree, and very frightened. I knew nothing about mental illness and my family, though supportive, knew even less."
July/August 1999
My Fears in Overcoming Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression
By LINDA NAOMI BARON
"Starting a life with this illness is fearful because one does not know how others will respond to you. You are often judged by your illness rather than judging you as a person with an illness. I am scared every time I meet friends, family, new acquaintances, and people in the work force."I Battled Childhood Depression
By ANDREW CARROLL
"I thought maybe there wasn't enough daylight, or maybe I had a genetic disorder. Whatever the reason, I knew I was slowly losing control of my life."Another Rx Recovery Story
By RITA SEIDEN, C.S.W., Ph.D
"Wilma's thoughts and speech were more organized; the voices were at first diminished, and then they disappeared. Wilma became able to entertain some plans for her life and to understand how much trouble she was to herself and others without the Risperdal."
September/October 1999
First Break: One Year Later
By DANIEL FREY, Managing Editor
"I'm part of a culture that mocks mental illness, fearing it and misunderstanding it. I grew up doing the same until mental illness entered my life."Update: The Long Way Home
By LINDA SPEAKER
"This experience was like no other you would want to have in your life. Not only did I cry without reason, hide from the public, and try to run away from home, but hallucinations had begun. I was fighting with my family and the devil."
November/December 1999
Billy: A Recovery Story
By DANIEL FREY, Managing Editor
"People who have been diagnosed with a mental illness open up to you when they discover you have one too, especially schizophrenia."Now I Can Hear Birds
By JOHN SCHLEIMER
"friends and acquaintances spent much time and effort trying to talk me out of what was best for me. They probably meant well, but they weren't educated about mental illness and they were simply wrong."The Holiday Blues
By CAROLINE S. CLAUSS, Ph.D.
"it was the first Christmas since my mother passed away, and I needed support. All around me I got the message that I was supposed to feel happy, but I only felt more and more alone."
January/February 2000
Accepting Schizophrenia
By JENNIFER CLIFT
"I could see in his face I had hit a nerve. Tears filled his eyes. He had agreed! ... I could now grab him by the hand and swim up to the surface of the water ... and take a deep breath."Medications Changed My Life
By KATHLEEN McCAIN
"After surviving my ups and downs for several years, my children became too ashamed of me and went to live with my parents. That hurt."Symptoms Help Me Manage My Illness
By EDITH BRIDGE
"I manage my symptoms. They no longer take center stage as a negative force. Symptoms are like nerves connected to my psyche. When they pulse, I respond."Parity Matters to Me
By LISA GIBSON
"This national debate is about illnesses just as real and treatable as cancer, heart disease or diabetes."Growing Better
By RIK STEVENS
"Her mind was 'I have to dig a hole to plant this plant.' It's not an exercise she's doing. She looked down at her arm and said, 'You tricked me.'"
March/April 2000
A Haze Lifts to Reveal a New Day
By WYNN ANNE SIBBALD
"I stopped apologizing for my inability to forgive those who had abused me. I began to talk and to write about my experiences. And I accepted that, for now, I needed Zoloft as surely as any diabetic needed insulin."
May/June 2000
The Road Back
By ROBERT KOWALSK
"here is New York City, where nine million people live, work, and recover one day at a time."Coming Inside Out
By DAVID KELLOGG
"Mostly I remember the cage on top of Albany Med where they use to let us psychiatric patients smoke four times a day. That, and wandering the halls of ward E-3 in confused boredom."Freedom is Not Free
By JULIUS GREEN
"Thanks to my peers I have a new viewpoint regarding independent living and self-sufficiency ... we all rely on supports in society, whether we have a psychiatric disability or not."
July/August 2000
Giving Up the Fight
By SHEILA HAGEMAN
"I still get depressed, but I am learning how to cope with the things I cannot change. I still feel the urge to fight against the depression when I feel it rising, but that never works."My MICA Story
By RAY HARRINGTON
"Having a mental illness and a chemical addiction has been very challenging and difficult at times. When I was sad, depressed, angry, or felt rejected, in the past I would use a drink or drug to try to change the way that I felt."Meet NYC Voice's Brooklyn Distribution Manager
By ROBERT BOX
"I thank my brother Michael and his fiancee, my lovely and supportive fiancee Flora, the programs and schools I have attended, Risperdal and Effexor, my peers, my country, myself, and my Higher Power for bringing me to this point."
September/October 2000
I Am More Than A Disability: I Am Me
By GARTH G. HARDING
"You have to look inside yourself and believe in who you are to strive forward to succeed and don't give up. Everybody is a gift and has a gift. What you do with it is ultimately your determination."My Story As A Bipolar
By VERONICA PATOUT
"I was 24 and flying high. I had just been accepted into George Washington University ... I had also landed a graduate job at NIH ... I had my first psychotic break."Tisi
By SAMUAL SCHLAIFER
"My learning began about 1948, after three years of teaching high school mathematics. ... a gym teacher took me aside and said to go for psychological help."
November/December 2001
My Recovery Story
By SHEILA RAMPSEY-MILTON
"it took a good year of hard work by my therapist to get me to see I was my own worst enemy."Recovery: A Miracle of God
By STACEY S. MALES
"I thought mental illness only for the mentally weak and fragile. I prided myself on my intellectual capabilities. Now I know that what we have: talents, skills, capabilities; they are all God-given gifts."We Are Not Alone
By DAVE WALKER
" I am now working, and utilizing the skills, which I have acquired over the years, and I now feel like a productive person again ... The best part of my job is when a consumer comes into our offices looking for help."My Actions Almost Cost Me My Kids
By DIANNA TORRES
"You cannot imagine the feeling of loss I experienced that day when the Mobil Crisis Unit came to evaluate me so they could take my children away from me. That was when I really gave up on everything."Psychiatric Trauma: The Golden Hour
By SHIRLEE COHEN
"Handcuffed. Standing in the middle of my living room, surrounded by six of New York's finest, I was bewildered. At five foot three, I could not imagine, that for five brawny men and a muscular female, I posed a threat. "Home
By SARA ABEND
"She looked up handing me a towel, a comb, a bottle of generic shampoo and a deodorant, indicating 'the showers are to the left past the phone. Come back when you've finished.'"
January/February/March 2001
Struggling With Mental Illness
By MILLIE NISS
"In 1992, a psychiatrist gave me a prescription for Lithium and told meI would have to start taking the pills immediately and keep taking them for the rest of my life"My Family and I
By ALAN LUNT
"I thought that psychosis was insight. I viewed illness as health. ... Psychosis told me that I was smart, good looking, outgoing, and everything that I thought I lacked."Focus on One's Life
By DAVID C. KAPLAN
"For the first time in my life, I found myself surrounded by people who suffered from mental illness. It was a liberating experience."My Misunderstood Illness
By JAMES J. CROOK
"All the time I was in the hospital I stayed away from the other patients. I felt if I even talked or associated with them, I would catch what they had."We Interrupt This Program for a Consumer's Voice
By WILLIAM D. GREENLEE
"I have never been so scared. I fell down on my knees, and I started hearing faint crowded noises, and they grew louder. And a screaming terrified voice came out of my mouth"
April/May 2001
My Detailed Autobiography
By LORRE LEON MENDELSON
"For the first time in my life I feel I am a part of the world!"Experiencing The Obstacles Around Me
By ROSEMARY THOMAS
"Dealing with a medical condition along with a mental condition (schizophrenia) can be a difficult and complicated task to handle."Suicide Survivor
By JEAN J. ESPLIN
"I had no home, job, family, friends or money. ... Eight years later, I have a home, job, friends and money. I have a life better than I could have imagined then."Story of Schizophrenia
By RICHARDO MARTINEZ
"Everything was fine, but I still harbored enmity against all that I had experienced. I couldn't accept the fact that I got sick and that I had been in a 'madhouse.'"My Autobiography
By RUSSELL SKOP
"Life got better in the adult residence living away from my parents ... I even did a musical show. Mental breaks did not ruin my singing voice."
January/March 2003
Brooklyn Writer Catches a Thief of Happiness on Therapist's Couch
By CARL BLUMENTHAL
"Bonnie told me that "when I felt broken, my therapist gave me hope. She allowed me to make sense intuitively. Even my mistakes made sense to her. She gave me a feeling of wholeness and well-being. It's unusual to meet someone who understands you immediately.""Coming Back: Don't Let Your Diagnosis Block Your Vision
By MEERA POPKIN
"I was on Broadway-"Cats"; I was on London's West End-"Miss Saigon" as Miss Saigon; I was in Andrew Lloyd Webbers' "Starlight Express." Then in 1997, I was diagnosed with a mild case of schizophrenia. What me? I couldn't believe it. "Fighting Depression
By MALCOLM J. NEELLEY
"Depression is a vicious enemy, and you have to fight back. You may feel like you're not strong enough to fight, but you really do have that strength. You really are stronger than you think."Finding My Voice
By BERTRAM MILLER
"Having a voice means being able to express one's feelings, needs, experiences, and one's soul to others. The abuse I suffered denied me a voice for much of my life. As an only child in a loveless marriage, I became my mother's surrogate 'husband.'""Open the Doors" and Your Heart
By RACHEL LINN
"It was a cold, dark and snowy night when I met with members of "Open the Doors" in Krakow, the southern cultural capital of Poland in the former Eastern bloc, to discuss the possibility of having them featured in New York City Voices."A Loving Relationship Helped in My Recovery
By MARTY COHEN
"My wife must have realized how isolated I felt being on the ward. She made sure all my friends and relatives called me every day. I received an average of 20 calls a day."My Story Has a Silver Lining
By ALICE TSAI
"I graduated at the top of my high school class of 350 students. I also graduated with honors from the University of Illinois at Urbana, Champaign, with a degree in English Literature...When I failed to achieve sufficient scores on the MCAT, a test for medical school, I was primed for a breakdown."
July/September 2003
To Bedlam and Back: Ken Steele's Tale of Mental Health and Illness
By CARL BLUMENTHAL
"Ken Steele believed anyone who struggles with mental illness is a hero. He left us to hand out the medals."Notes on Recovery
By KURT DOUGLAS SASS
"Recovery is possible if you work at preventing relapses."The Editor as Mentor
By CITY VOICES' STAFF
"Not only has Daniel 'gotten a life' but he is 'giving it back' to the family and friends, consumers and providers who gave Daniel his identity as a loved and loving human being."
October/December 2003
I Bravely Choose to Live
By JESSICA LYNCH
"…I thought with all I had been through, I was destined to be chosen Miss America…[In truth] I had won when I held onto that last shred of hope that night ten years ago when I had chosen to live."Mental Illness is Chemical, Therapy Won't Help!
By KURT DOUGLAS SASS
"Fortunately for me, however, my wife convinced me to give at least one more therapist a try…[Now my new therapist and I are] making tremendous strides."
January/March 2004
Listen to My Story
By NICOLE DECKER
"I would have never made it without the support from my co-workers and my peers. Sometimes we all need support from a friend and we need someone to believe in us."Interview with Electroboy Author Andy Behrman
By DANIEL FREY
"Andy's book is a turbulent spin through the life of a twenty-eight-year-old manic-depressive art forger and con-man, chronicling his sexual escapades, drug binges and treatment with electroshock therapy"Launch of Online Dating Site for Adults with Mental Illness
By JAMES LEFTWICH
"Membership at NoLongerLonely.com is completely free of charge [and a chance to meet other consumers from your area]."Bringing the Message of Recovery to Our Schools
By Janet Susin, Chair, NAMI Queens/Nassau Education Committee
"This program should be introduced and implemented by every elementary and secondary school in the world."Patient/Family Library and Learning Center
By PETER PAGANO, Social Worker, NYS Psychiatric Institute
"New York State Psychiatric Institute's Patient and Family Library has hundreds of books pertaining to mental health and mental illness, as well as many informative videos, handouts, and brochures."
April/June 2004
Mental Illness Deserves Understanding
By MARY ELKIND
"I have been blessed with a remission of my illness."
Winter 2005
I'm a Survivor Who's Telling Her Tale
BY KRISTEN DAVIS
"What I have learned over time is that these labels [bipolar 2, panic disorder with agoraphobia, and major depression] do not matter and do not make up who I am."Jane Pauley Shares her Bipolar Story with the World
BY HEDY END
"[Jane Pauley] remembers the evening, being rushed off by the ambulance, and a rather ironic thought: 'Make way! Make way! Hives!'"
Spring 2005
I Don't Need Permission to be a Man
BY A COLUMN BY PAUL CHIPKIN
"I walked into a Nicotine Anonymous meeting that probably saved my life."Clarity from Chaos
A COLUMN BY CHRYSTAL WOODSON
"[Mental illness] leaves a person extremely vulnerable…and creativity brought joy back into my life, it has helped me work through my mental illness." ??Recovery is a Funny Thing
BY SUZY JOHNSTON
"For some people recovery means being able to stay at home and watch television all day whereas for others it means actively socialising, enjoying hobbies and maybe returning to work."Love Turned My Life Around
BY WALTER J. KING
"I advertised in a local newspaper looking for a girl with compatible Zodiac signs, she called and we fell in love from the first date."The 99-Cent Gift of Hope
BY KURT DOUGLAS SASS
"…I was fighting the depression with everything I had, and [my wife]…thought of me as a success, even at the lowest point in my life."
Summer 2005
Completely Recovered from Schizophrenia
BY MEERA POPKIN
"Am I the one in a thousand that recovers from this illness?"
Winter 2006
IPRT is the Place to Be
BY CRAIG R. BAYER
“IPRT…is sort of like a liberal arts college: people find themselves there and move on with a new sense of purpose and direction.”
Spring 2006
This Life is Not So Bad
BY JOSEPHINE V. LUCAS
“I don’t like taking the meds, but I take it to avoid going into the hospital.”Thank You, Thank You, Thank You
BY KURT SASS
“It is about time I started thanking people publicly for their help in my recovery.”Bruni in the City: Gaining Confidence
BY CHRISTINA BRUNI
“My odyssey in recovery has been learning how to trust the world again after paranoia set in.”Book Review: Journey to the Center of Self
BY JOHN CARDINALE
“Journey to the Center of Self: the Record of a Healing Sara conveys an inspiring message of compassion, understanding and love on every page. The reader will be moved regardless of his or her religious or non-religious background.”Defining Recovery
BY WILLIAM ANTHONY, PATRICIA DEEGAN, AND OTHERS
"Recovery's three cornerstones: hope, willingness and responsible action "I Like Working
BY PATRICK FILIPPI
“I like working at Shea.”
Summer 2006
Believe in Yourself
BY KURT DOUGLAS SASS
“…although it took me six full years to get from my major depression to where I am today, it would have never happened if I quit….”How I Accepted Myself
BY PAULINE A. MADERO
“I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder twelve years ago. Like many people newly welcomed into the world of mental illness, I came into it kicking and screaming.”