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“Guys. It s hannah um. So first off. I m not at my desk.
Because because it s covered in things um. And so yeah. So was the chair and chair that i used to hold my ipad. So yeah not very good.
But um. So i don t know if you noticed but last week. Um. I didn t have a video and then before that i didn t have a video or i don t know i don t have a video in a while um and so let s start this off with this so last year.
When i like made this channel. And when i was doing all of these videos and especially when i decided to start lalian ecology. I really felt like i was at a really stable place in my life. And like i had got my shit.
Together and things um can so..
I was like yeah like i should like you know it felt really nice to make um like uh. I felt like i was in a stable place to tell other people you know how to get to that state because i know how good it felt um and everything and you know i learned a lot from thinking about all of these topics and myself. And you guys and things um. But uh you know i really felt like i knew all of these situations and how to deal with them.
And i mean i still know the information. But the thing is is that right now um. I feel like i m not at that state anymore um. I feel like giving you guys advice about a lot of these topics would be extraordinarily hypocritical um.
Because you know like right now. I i ve kind of hit a point just one of those rough points in my life. Where it s just you know it s kind of getting hard again. And i have not yet made it out and i don t think that i can keep giving people advice on how to get out of their struggles.
If i can t get out of mine. Um. And you know like i i love helping people so much. But i i can t do it if i feel like a hypocrite because that just doesn t make me feel good it makes me feel like crap for telling people to do things.
And then not like going through that myself and a lot of things like that um and right now um..
I don t know if you ve noticed. But a lot of my like videos. Lately have been kind of not as passionate as the ones before were um. And you know i really just need to find two things i need to find that stable place again.
And i need to find that passion again and maybe they ll come together. Because i think that they will because of the thing that i m talking about which is kind of why not doing this um and i think that you know when they do come my videos will be so much more powerful and they ll really get through to people. But i just don t feel like i can right now um. But you know i do understand that a lot of you still need help with other things and you know i m still smart.
So know what to do in a lot of situations and i still get a giving advice. Um and so i m going to stop making videos for work. A little bit. I don t know how long um.
You know however long takes and um. And until then i i don t know i mean i share. A personal tumblr and personal instagram with this youtube channels. And so you know i guess you can always message me on tumblr.
If you really need something and also the other best way to get ahold of me is my kick..
But other than those things i m really just going to be taking a break from all of this just because i don t know it s it makes me feel so bad to be telling people to do one thing and then to be doing the complete opposite. You know going backwards in my life and trying to help people go forwards. And there s just doesn t make sense um. And you know also if you are going to message.
Me. I promise. I m fine so please don t message me about me. I really want to make this about you guys um.
And i will i will be fine like i know i will it ll just take a little bit of time and you know i know how these things go. I ve had a few of them and you know i think after all this i will have been stronger and i will be able to really help you guys with things. But i think i have to go through my own personal struggles before i can start preaching about other people s again. If that makes sense to you um.
And i think. That s everything oh and then i just wanted to say that um. I really just like i was just going to have a leave. But i was on my ass and someone was talking to me about like who i like talking to the most and then i remembered that i used to say something about my youtube channel and like how it was my diary.
If you watch..
It s one of my old videos you ll hear me say that and a few of them i think and you know it s totally right like i tell you guys everything and i don t think i m going to share absolutely every detail of this right now just because i can t really i mean i just personally i you like it s really hard for me right now um to admit things that have been happening and everything. And i i think you guys realized that i m not a secret keeper like secrets on exactly my thing um and you know i do tell a lot of people everything. But i don t think i ve quite accepted this enough to really tell all of you and maybe afterwards. I ll discuss it again and you know hopefully i ll have so much more advice to tell all of you but really until then like i just i can t um and i hope you guys understand.
And you know i made the decision to tell you because i respect and love all of you um. But please don t be worried about me. Um. And please watch my video.
Whenever that time comes ok. I love all of you so so much and i m so sorry about this um. But you know it ll be over sometime. And when that happens you guys will love the videos that come after that because i will have found love for doing this again.
And my phone and and i think that s everything so um. ” ..
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