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Stepmom eze. Im james elmen and welcome back to nacho moms at club today today were talking about jealousy and valentines day not two words you usually together. But were gonna talk about how they go hands and hand in step families and ways to cope.
So stay tuned. So today. Were talking about valentines day and jealousy.
I got my valentines pin sleeves ready to go and the jealousy. Were talking about today is a very special kind of jealousy. Its not the normal one.
Where its your guy looking at another lady and you get angry and insecure. No not that kind were talking about the kind of jealousy that exists exclusively in stepfamilies. Its the jealousy that can be present between the stepkids and yourself so in my family.
Its definitely there but i feel like on valentines day and any times. Where its just my husband and i just the focus is just on us alone. That jealousy feeling definitely comes to the surface a bit more.
I mean it makes sense think about it your stepmom walking into these kids lives. And you could serve as competition for their dads love affection resources. So i mean.
Its not far fetched. The kids are acting out. We can be angry withdrawn.
They could show these jealous feelings and a lot of ways depending on their age and maturity level. But if its there there are three ways. Ive come up with to cope with them and i think theyre very effective of consulted therapists.
The internet. Im guy ive got the answers so number one is im just identifying that its jealousy that helps tremendously because like i said kids can act in funny ways you dont really know why so just naming. It saying okay theyre jealous and thats why theyre acting this or this.
Way is super. Duper helpful and even one step further than that getting to the root of that feeling is helpful say theyre very young they might just be vying for their dads time in philly. Not away word maybe theyre a little bit older.
They feel like your competition for financial reasons. So you have to figure it out and look at your own family and that would definitely be step one in the right direction number two dont feel guilty. Ive been so consumed by guilt.
And so many of these instances and i felt like i was to blame and i should change my actions. And that is not the case necessarily you need to examine each case individually and say wait a minute. Im dealing with the child here dealing with the childs mind might not be at the maturity level of an adult.
And maybe they have these feelings or maybe theyre not justified so before you go on this guilt change spiral. Which isnt it was my first instinct take a breath and take a look at the situation and really see if its based on reality or not and number three like so much of my advice is talk to your spouse talk to your kids obviously talking to your spouse is number one. And it could not be more true that if you and your spouse are not solid.
The rest of the family has no shot of being living living harmoniously. You and your husband have to be on the same page. So talking to your husband about this if youre struggling with it is definitely high on the priority list and then if its appropriate talk to the kids and figure.
It out untangle these messy emotions because even though theyre messy. There are ways around it and ways to deal and make life a little better especially the step family because we know stepmom is it can get weird you know. But you can get awkward.
But talking will definitely help so i hope this will make your valentines day. A little more easy to navigate and well see you here next time. Im not to a montauk club thanks so much for watching.
I hope this video helped some struggling stepmoms out there on this valentines day and make sure to follow us on twitter instagram facebook subscribe to that youtube page and well see you next time on natural moms at club. .
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